Why Can’t We Be Friends?

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There is little else I can think of that is more important in my life than being a mother to my three children. There are countless aspects of being a parent that make it a privilege—but the fact that I have the opportunity to guide, support, nurture, and love them for a lifetime is truly beyond measure.

 

Of course there are times when I have doubts about my parental prowess…doubts that only serve to underscore that I am not a perfect parent. By the way perfect parenting isn’t my goal—but seeking opportunities to teach forgiveness, humility, and respect are ingredients that I feel play integral roles in parenting.

Part of choosing to navigate down the parental highway is understanding that the journey will include beautiful scenery, entrances, exits, detours, unforeseen u-turns, and even sometimes conditions that render one white knuckled, holding on for dear life, and thankful for a rest area.

There is no GPS for getting my children where they need to go—in fact quite the opposite; it is a daily commitment of making sure that when I don’t have the answers, every step possible is taken to find them.

Despite the doubts that rear up when I am in unfamiliar territory, there is one thing that I have been crystal clear about since I held my first baby—my children were not created to add another friend to my friendship bucket. Sure maybe in the future when they reach their own adulthood, but not while they are in their formative years.

 

Over the course of twenty three years as a mother—I have periodically bumped into people who are friends with their children and more times than not I have observed it as a recipe for confusion of who is who, what is what, and where ones role begins and ends, a push-me-pull-you kind of relationship. 

 

 

 

On Monday night ABC Family aired its ninth episode of Huge

 They did an outstanding job of underscoring how child/parent relationships can be harmful when a parent is so wrapped up in needing a friend that they lose sight of what their child needs most—for them to be a parent.

Its parent’s weekend at Camp Victory and Amber’s mom Teal arrives. Of course we already know from previous episodes that Amber struggles to be heard and that she provides a support to her mother that is more akin to being a friend or a sister than a daughter. And I should add a friend or a sister who is competitive and needy rather than supportive.

The lack of support is best demonstrated in the gift Teal brings Amber—who in case we need to be reminded—is enrolled in a weight loss camp—a box of cookies wrapped inside a shoe box. Really? Who does that? Would you bring an alcoholic drink to a loved one who was on their 11^th step of the 12 step program? No I didn’t think so.

Teal parades around and her behavior begs for attention—she broadcasts personal information to the group, dresses more like a teen than a middle age woman, and makes a spectacle of herself when attending the camp yoga class. Later she manipulates her way into staying in the cabin and the viewer can feel the anxiety mounting in Amber…anxiety that usurps her own personal goals and leads her quite literally down a path she had been trying to get off of.

As I watched the character of Teal I couldn’t help but reflect on the real people that I have known over the years whose narcissistic behavior stood in the way of their child’s emotional needs. Would they see themselves in this character? Perhaps not…but I would venture to guess that their child may identify with what Amber was going through and I am hoping that as next week’s show unfolds Amber will find the courage to face her mom and tell her what she needs and in so doing provide an illustration of coping with a parent who forgets the importance of their responsibility; guide, support, nurture, and love them for a lifetime.

I absolutely love that this show demonstrates real life struggles and triumphs. Life is messy and when we dive in and live huge we are living an authentic life. Thanks to ABC for bringing a taste of real-life to family rooms across America and asking the question–”how do you live huge?”

 

Living Huge for me? Waking up every day knowing that being a mom is one of the best gifts I have ever received.

Thanks to Jess Weiner the show Huge is creating conversations all over about a myriad of issues, for conversation starters use the questions at Talk to Jess