Sexual Assualt IS NOT A GAME

Does it matter when the games were invented? Seriously, does it matter? I read some of the comments that followed the Huffington Post Article about the Japanese created rape/stalk/torture/grope game called “Rapelay” and by and large people felt it was old news that is now being sensationalized by the media.

April marks Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) and let’s just be clear: a VICTIM of Rape, Stalking, Torture, and Groping would not describe on any level a heinous physical and emotional violation, as a game. Nor would they describe the lifetime of surviving post-violation, as a game.

Because the “game” Rapelay has made the news long after the 2006 date when it was created people are debating why it is now being called into question and whether or not people should or shouldn’t be offended by it or the other games like it. Is that not the essence of side-stepping the very issue? That the game/games are made at all?

If you aren’t offended then clearly you have never been attacked or violated EVER and one might also surmise that you don’t have a relative or friend who has been attacked either.

Again, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) the operative word is AWARENESS. What can we do to actually achieve that goal? How do we get through to people that this is not a game? We can never stop trying to educate.

There are times when I read things that make me wonder what the world is coming too…and I feel defeated. Yet succumbing to that emotion is defeatist. I know that I have to keep trying…my children, both boys and a girl, help to keep me inspired when I feel that sinking feeling like it will never ever be enough.

But I am curious what do you do when you wonder who is listening, and do they really care, and how will we ever overcome the seemingly unending barrage of negativity? What inspires you to keep trying?

Huffington Post Article:
http://huff.to/9nTtxB

Teen Dating Violence

I was invited to write an article about Teen Dating Violence for the organization Safe World for Women.

Click here to read the article: http://www.asafeworldforwomen.org/dviolence.html

Please consider joining the SWFW campaign to gather 1 million signatures by 2011 and demonstrate to world leaders that citizens across the globe want to hold them accountable for the The United Nations adopted Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

16 years ago the declaration recognized: ‘The urgent need for the universal application to women of the rights and principles with regard to equality, security, liberty, integrity and dignity of all human beings’

Yet today women are still experiencing violence on every level imaginable.

“Why Did You Stay?”

“Why did you stay,” the question comes up often and although I get that people do want to understand “why a woman stays in an abusive relationship” I believe the insistence of looking at “Why she stays.” infers that she actually has power and control in the situation-and that is not the case.

In the attached video I address how this question feels for me, I have found that I am being asked often when I am speaking to audiences about it and candidly the question has been getting under my skin-so I wrote about it. I decided to try something different and instead of posting my written thoughts have created this video where I read my thoughts on this subject.

I welcome your comments and encourage a dialogue regarding this important subject. Thank you for taking the time to view it!

Boy to Man; Finding Our Ultimate Purpose

This is a speech my son Kodiak wrote for his English Class-he is 13

Boy to Man; Finding Our Ultimate Purpose
Written by, Kodiak Waldal

Based on a Department of Justice statistic, analysis conducted in the years 1976-2005, discovered that 64.8% of victims murdered by intimate partners were women.¹ Some may say that this is because in most cases the male in the situation is stronger than the female; however, all one must do is obtain a lethal weapon such as a gun or knife and this person can kill the other person as they sleep.
The majority of people out there would like the world to be less violent, in order to achieve a culture that is non-violent I assert that the paradigm shift needs to begin with how we raise boys to men.

Let’s begin by looking at what it means to be a man from both a practical and mythological standpoint. Mythological Man: Macho, tough, dominant, controlling, assertive, and powerful. Like a shark, our mythological man destructs whatever it can and believes it is just part of nature. In addition, some sharks eat their own young as the younger shark becomes an older and potential threat. A mythological man models for their children that the man of the house is in control beyond dispute. In this household the man bases his entire existence on what he has power over it would not occur to him that a point of view that differs from his own is worthy of consideration. He rules the household with the mindset that crying is for sissies and boys need to be tough. Additionally he expects that anything domestic would be taken care of by the females in the family. In short, leave the real thinking to the man.

The Practical Man: Nurturing, loving, responsible, sensitive, listens, intelligent, protective, and hard-working. This man is a lion, peaceful, loving, and nurturing to its family and will do anything to protect its family. The practical man’s household is an example of collaboration between all family members. The man and woman as heads of the household are on equal ground and therefore the children live an example of give and take. The house is run more democratically and each person’s perspective is seen as valuable not threatening.

In order to truly achieve peace the world must see all people as worthy of basic human rights. Perhaps a country which embraces that all men are created equal will be the country that demonstrates the first steps toward non-violence. In addition we must understand that when Thomas Jefferson said, ‘MEN’ he implied ‘PEOPLE,’ meaning everyone. If we are born equal then one could reason that no person has the right to dominate another.

The mythological man resolves conflict through bullying and in some cases violence but really the conflict is not resolved it is snuffed out. The practical man seeks to understand another’s point of view and looks to reach a peaceful solution that works for all members of the family.

The odds of being murdered are eighteen thousand to one, versus becoming a professional athlete which is twenty-two thousand to one.² Sadly a person stands a better chance of being killed then achieving physical success. Moreover if you are a woman this statistic is even more daunting because more men achieve professional athletic status then women.

In society our practical man is a good husband, is one who practices fidelity, he also takes responsibility for the financial and emotional well being of his children, he views his relationship with his wife as a partnership and understands that time spent together is as, if not more, valuable as his earning power. In contrast the mythological man may, abuse his wife, view his career as all encompassing and more important than the emotional well being of his family, and may ultimately abandon his responsibilities to his wife and children.

My mother is a survivor of Teen Dating Violence and at the time of her victimization fear bound her to remain with her boyfriend. Day after day my mother was led to believe that she would be killed if she were to attempt to break off the relationship all of which made her own purpose in life feel diminished. The individual who perpetrated the violence was weak; there is no way that anyone could call him a man.

Anyone can overpower something regardless of their size, for example, a boy who is raised with violence would be more apt to be cruel to a small animal which he can overpower then not, and later repeat the cycle of violence by turning into a man who abuses his own wife.

The issue at hand is choice; exercising mental strength and compassion over physical strength is a major component for being a practical man. In life a person can control one thing, what they do, and how they respond. In every situation a person controls their actions and reactions, influence yes, but never control. The more we can breed a society of people, who seek to understand other points of views and hold themselves accountable for their behavior, the closer we will get to developing a culture that rejects violence as a means to resolve problems.

The human body, if nourished, will grow to its full potential; the mind however is only stretched as much as we allow it. A person is not grown up until they recognize their own humanity and truly understand their ultimate purpose. A life purpose is different for everyone; however what we share in common is a commitment to non-violence.

We must ask ourselves, why am I here?
We must ask ourselves, what is my ultimate purpose in life?
We must ask ourselves, do I want a good life for family and friends, or me?
We must ask ourselves, what can I do to change my surroundings and make the world a better place?
If we can find an answer that incorporates a non-violent solution we will live in a better place. If we can begin raising boys to be loving and mentally strong I surmise we will meet that goal.

¹ Department of Justice (http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/docs/qa-factsheet.pdf).
²(http://funny2.com/odds.htm).

On We “March”

It’s February 28, 2010 and that means beginning tomorrow, it will be March.

“March”-What a perfect name. Really we cannot help but to “March” forward in time and as February disappears there is a small whisper of relief that puffs off the lips of many. The “Ah” that is heard perhaps standing in lieu of uttering the words; “Good, winter is passing,” too soon.

As the minutes tick forward I am aware of the hours left. In California it is 10PM and really it is a matter of 2 hours. Only for me and thousands of others, the end of February marks something altogether different.

February 2010, was for the people standing on the frontlines of the awareness campaign focused on Teen Dating Violence, a historical month as it was declared Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.

“This year the Justice Department worked with the Senate to designate the entire month of February as “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.””¹

With the arrival of March I feel compelled to say, awareness and prevention must be on-going. The month may be over but the need to reach our daughters, sons, parents, family members, educators, and friends is far from over.

I am reminded that just this past week I spoke before 40 students and all 40 of them completed their feedback forms. Of those, 37 wrote personal messages to me, each a piece straight from their own life experience. From boyfriends, to friends, to cousins, to mothers, all real-life stories about abuse in their lives. Each one of these hand written notes more than underscore the need for providing information to young people, information that will empower them; information that may serve to save a life.

As the month of March arrives, please, for all those young people, continue to bring awareness to your community about Teen Dating Violence. Silence is not a strategy, speak up, and speak out against violence.

¹ United States Department of Justice http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/