Not MY Daughter

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Not MY Daughter…it’s interesting I have observed that people often still don’t want to talk about it: Teen Dating Violence. There I said it and I will say it again: Teen Dating Violence. How do parents prevent something if they deny that it can occur?

Anyone can learn from my website that I am a formerly battered woman. I was 17 when I met my boyfriend and 19, (nearly 20) when the relationship ended. I am lucky, although I am a statistic I am a statistic that lives to share my story and hopefully will help make a difference in this world with the telling of my story when Tornado Warning is published in June.

Lately I have been dumbfounded by some of the things that people have said to me when I tell them I have written a book that chronicles my experience with teen dating violence:

‘My daughter would never fall victim to that kind of relationship, she’s way too smart.’
‘My daughter? I am so lucky she is incredible-she has good grades and is so involved in sports and at school; she would never let someone abuse her. But good luck I bet there are people out there you can really help.’
‘My daughter won’t be allowed to date until she is in college that just isn’t something I have to worry about.’

Now let me translate what those messages say to me…that statistic who is a living, breathing woman listening to the adult in front of me:

‘You must not be very smart letting that happen to you’
‘You must have been a derelict, maybe skipping school and running with the wrong crowd.’
‘Your parents didn’t care about you enough to protect you.’

Now let me add, this is what really needs to be said and heard:

‘Teen dating violence doesn’t discriminate it crosses every racial, economic, and social boundary we can trip over. Don’t blame the victim’
‘It can happen to ANYONE. No one asks to be abused’
‘No matter how hard you try you cannot protect your child from the world by denying them access, eventually they grow up, move out and the best preventative is information.’

Statistics climb, people-girls: die, and on we march denying that it can happen to our own daughter. Or is it hoping and praying? You can hope and you can pray that abuse won’t happen to your daughter but foster those beliefs with knowledge.

Let’s take a look at some statistics from The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website:

Dating Violence Statistics
Adolescents and adults are often unaware how regularly dating violence occurs.
• 1 in 11 adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating violence (CDC 2006).
• 1 in 4 adolescents reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual violence each year (Foshee et al. 1996; Avery-Leaf et al. 1997).
• 1 in 5 adolescents reports being a victim of emotional violence (Halpern et al. 2001).
• 1 in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner (Silverman et al. 2001).
• Dating violence occurs more frequently among black students (13.9%) than among Hispanic (9.3%) or white (7.0%) students (CDC 2006).
• 72% of eighth and ninth graders reportedly “date” (Foshee et al. 1996); by the time they are in high school, 54% of students report dating violence among their peers (Jafe et al. 1992).

http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/datingviolence.html

I listened this morning again to the Katie Couric video that is posted on the CBS news website. In her story she interviews Ann Burke the mother of Lindsay Burke who was a murder victim of dating violence, Lindsay is Ann Burke’s daughter. Ann is an incredible woman. Together with her family they have taken a personal tragedy and made it their mission to educate. Their mission to educate is now a Rhode Island law:

“The LINDSAY ANN BURKE ACT requires all school districts in RI to have a dating violence policy to address incidents of dating violence at school. In addition, it requires annual dating violence education in grades 7-12 through the health curriculum. Administrators and school staff in middle and high schools are required to attend dating violence trainings and dating violence training for parents is strongly encouraged”

Ann Burkes’ daughter was college educated, came from a loving family, and had a mother who sought counseling when she feared for her own daughters’ safety. The fact remains that Lindsay who had ended her relationship lost her life at the hands of an x-boyfriend. Lindsay is Anns’ daughter.

So next time you think to yourself ‘Not MY Daughter’ think again. For your daughter sake seek to understand, inform yourself, insist on dating violence curriculum, listen to your daughter, learn:
http://www.elinstebbinswaldal.com/for-parents/