Not MY Daughter

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Not MY Daughter…it’s interesting I have observed that people often still don’t want to talk about it: Teen Dating Violence. There I said it and I will say it again: Teen Dating Violence. How do parents prevent something if they deny that it can occur?

Anyone can learn from my website that I am a formerly battered woman. I was 17 when I met my boyfriend and 19, (nearly 20) when the relationship ended. I am lucky, although I am a statistic I am a statistic that lives to share my story and hopefully will help make a difference in this world with the telling of my story when Tornado Warning is published in June.

Lately I have been dumbfounded by some of the things that people have said to me when I tell them I have written a book that chronicles my experience with teen dating violence:

‘My daughter would never fall victim to that kind of relationship, she’s way too smart.’
‘My daughter? I am so lucky she is incredible-she has good grades and is so involved in sports and at school; she would never let someone abuse her. But good luck I bet there are people out there you can really help.’
‘My daughter won’t be allowed to date until she is in college that just isn’t something I have to worry about.’

Now let me translate what those messages say to me…that statistic who is a living, breathing woman listening to the adult in front of me:

‘You must not be very smart letting that happen to you’
‘You must have been a derelict, maybe skipping school and running with the wrong crowd.’
‘Your parents didn’t care about you enough to protect you.’

Now let me add, this is what really needs to be said and heard:

‘Teen dating violence doesn’t discriminate it crosses every racial, economic, and social boundary we can trip over. Don’t blame the victim’
‘It can happen to ANYONE. No one asks to be abused’
‘No matter how hard you try you cannot protect your child from the world by denying them access, eventually they grow up, move out and the best preventative is information.’

Statistics climb, people-girls: die, and on we march denying that it can happen to our own daughter. Or is it hoping and praying? You can hope and you can pray that abuse won’t happen to your daughter but foster those beliefs with knowledge.

Let’s take a look at some statistics from The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website:

Dating Violence Statistics
Adolescents and adults are often unaware how regularly dating violence occurs.
• 1 in 11 adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating violence (CDC 2006).
• 1 in 4 adolescents reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual violence each year (Foshee et al. 1996; Avery-Leaf et al. 1997).
• 1 in 5 adolescents reports being a victim of emotional violence (Halpern et al. 2001).
• 1 in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner (Silverman et al. 2001).
• Dating violence occurs more frequently among black students (13.9%) than among Hispanic (9.3%) or white (7.0%) students (CDC 2006).
• 72% of eighth and ninth graders reportedly “date” (Foshee et al. 1996); by the time they are in high school, 54% of students report dating violence among their peers (Jafe et al. 1992).

http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/datingviolence.html

I listened this morning again to the Katie Couric video that is posted on the CBS news website. In her story she interviews Ann Burke the mother of Lindsay Burke who was a murder victim of dating violence, Lindsay is Ann Burke’s daughter. Ann is an incredible woman. Together with her family they have taken a personal tragedy and made it their mission to educate. Their mission to educate is now a Rhode Island law:

“The LINDSAY ANN BURKE ACT requires all school districts in RI to have a dating violence policy to address incidents of dating violence at school. In addition, it requires annual dating violence education in grades 7-12 through the health curriculum. Administrators and school staff in middle and high schools are required to attend dating violence trainings and dating violence training for parents is strongly encouraged”

Ann Burkes’ daughter was college educated, came from a loving family, and had a mother who sought counseling when she feared for her own daughters’ safety. The fact remains that Lindsay who had ended her relationship lost her life at the hands of an x-boyfriend. Lindsay is Anns’ daughter.

So next time you think to yourself ‘Not MY Daughter’ think again. For your daughter sake seek to understand, inform yourself, insist on dating violence curriculum, listen to your daughter, learn:
http://www.elinstebbinswaldal.com/for-parents/

A Tribute to Dogs, A Story of Rescue

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One IN 8 MILLION, posted in The New York Times is remarkable. If you are unfamiliar they are a collection of interviews paired with photographs, each a vinyet of that persons New York life.

Interviewed by Alexis Mainland and Photographed by Todd Heisler, Stefanie Rinza describes her passion for the rescuing of animals. She has rescued and found homes for about 40 abandoned animals of all kinds, including her own four dogs and birds.

I watched the pictures fade in and out on the screen as Stefanie’s beautiful melodic voice described how first dogs came into her life. Clearly she is a woman who feels deeply for a living creature that has been abandoned. The story pierced me in a way that made me want to hear it again only the second time I closed my eyes.

And that is when her words, these words, funneled into me and brought tears to my eyes…

“If I see something, I can’t let it go. If I see a bird with a broken wing flapping around and no one is making a grab for it…I then couldn’t live with myself having left someone like that.
What I love is when someone has been rescued and when they come here and they’ve had their first sleep and curl up. And after everything they’ve been through they’re willing to trust someone and give them their love and devotion.”

Living creatures deserve a chance at real love and Stefanie’s story can be applied to animals and people alike-all worthy of both giving and receiving love.

Abuse of any kind is unacceptable . Our world would be a far better place if it had more Stefanie Rinza’s in it. What can we do everyday to make a difference. It all begins with awareness, opening our eyes and hearts to someone or something that needs a hand, needs that leg up, needs our compassion-needs help.

To see and hear the excerpt from One IN 8 Million about Stefanie:
http://bit.ly/6g3a16

To learn more about domestic violence and animals:
http://bit.ly/4Gx3K5